Before coming to college, I really did not have any experience with vegans. In my hometown, vegans were much like your awkward 6th grade middle school self (we don’t speak of her anymore) who posted obscene amounts of selfies while throwing up the deuces and the duck face: Seen but definitely not heard.
But since coming to college, the tables have turned. Where vegan food used to be rare to come across, here at Yale, vegan-food is the default. Oh how wonderful it is to go to the dining hall after a 4-hour lab when your hunger is at its prime time. All you want to do is dig into some good ole’ meat. So how wonderful to find out that the dining hall is serving chicken!!
This has me convinced that veganism is slowly taking over the world. Meat is slowly becoming extinct.
In order to combat this great evil, we must rally together. We must band together to consume as much meat as possible to increase the “demand.” You see the dining hall is serving chicken? You bring that tupperware and stock up for when the dry season hits the menu again. Vegan waffles? No thank you. Let’s even go a step further by requested caged eggs and non-grass fed beef. What happened to all that extra weight I was supposed to gain in college? As the weather gets colder you’re gonna need that extra insulation and the only way to get it is by being a carnivore. So let’s try and save the world before the vegans take over.
And in the wise, almost words of Marie Antoinette…