Even though our accents are ‘charming’ enough that we can be borderline rude in the name of sarcasm, it’s not all fun and games being a Brit in the US of A. From unknown colloquialisms to difficult conversations with friends over FaceTime, here are some of the difficulties we face across the pond from the Motherland:
1) When almost everything is referred to as being ‘lit’. Also, when you use the word ‘lit’ once in conversation, decide that it was poorly executed and unnatural sounding in a British accent, and resolve never to do it again.
2) When you strike up the courage to ask the guy next to you in your lecture for a rubber* (even though you were already warned multiple times not to use that word on this side of the Atlantic) and things get more awkward than expected.
*= eraser in the innocent old UK
3) When you try to explain to your British friends over FaceTime the fact that there was ‘massaged kale’ on the menu, whilst watching them miserably eat dry cereal in their self-catered university apartment because they can't be bothered to run to the store to buy more milk. Also, when you try explain how today’s kale was not as good as yesterday’s, quite probably due to the quality of the massage.
4) When you try (and fail) to understand why America is doing everything it can to stop you from watching the Great British Bake Off For those who don't know, GBBO is a sacred British institution whose presenters pride themselves on the inclusion of as many cake-themed innuendos as possible on primetime TV; it is also the origin of the now infamous #bingate controversy, which made national headlines back in 2015, when Diana *accidentally* took Iain's Baked Alaska out of the freezer to put in her own. To cut a long and complicated story short, the poor victim of this sorry tale was so angry at the ensuing sloppy state of affairs that he threw his melted dessert in the bin (trashcan) instead of presenting it to the judges. It was a dramatic time to be British, let me tell you...
5) When the conversation inevitably moves towards sports chat and you have to try and figure out whether they're talking about baseball, basketball, american football, softball, ice hockey or none of the above*
*I acknowledge that this may not be a problem for all Brits, but it definitely is for this one over here who has rudimentary-to-the-point-of-nonexistent knowledge about American sports (sorry)
6) And finally, when you begin to make a joke about the existence of Donald Trump in this day and age and someone handily reminds you that Brexit was a thing that happened and that, in fact, Britain has a blonde-haired demagogue* of it's own...
(This is Boris Johnson, our current Foreign Secretary, A.K.A. the person supposedly best equipped to represent Britain)
*no prizes for drawing parallels here