After spending hours trying to power through your readings and essays and p-sets, you’ve seen pretty much every type of studier there is to see. Here’s a comprehensive list of the types of people you’ll find on any given afternoon in Bass Library.
1. The Sleeper
They probably came with good intentions of being productive, but clearly those have gone to shit. Do you wake them up, or do you let them have a few more minutes of carefree unconsciousness? We ask the hard questions here at Yale.
2. The Social Butterfly
They’re either waving at someone, talking to someone, or texting someone (or all of the above). Honestly, if they really wanted to get anything done they need to find a study room and escape their throngs of friends.
3. The Aggressively Loud Walker
You can hear the entire progression of their walk into and out of the library--STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP. If they’re especially aggressive, you can hear them walking for a solid minute, even after they’re long gone from your field of vision. Their steps are so loud that there must be a deep well of anger that has been simmering inside them for years that is just now being released through the sheer force of their footsteps.
4. The Procrastinator
Maybe they’ve been taking a Facebook break for the past hour. Maybe they’ve been rotating nonstop between Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. Maybe they’ve given up entirely on any hope of productivity and are watching Netflix. No matter what, there’s no one quite like the procrastinator to make you feel better about your study habits.
5. The Eater
Follow the sound of rustling chip bags and crunching, and you’ll find the eater. They’re not distracting because of the noises they make so much as because of the intense food envy they inspire. Now instead of analyzing the 1648 Peace of Westphalia, thanks to the eater all you can think about are Cool Ranch Doritos.
6. The Crier
I haven’t actually seen one of these yet, but I’m sure they exist. I’m just waiting for the day during finals when I walk past someone dutifully typing as a single tear rolls softly down their cheek. No shame, crier. No shame.
7. The Hot One
Are these people real students, or are they models practicing for the upcoming Back to School photoshoot? Either way, they give you something nice to glance at as you slog through your work.
8. The Extremely Intense Studier
They were here when you arrived, and they are still here when you leave. There’s no way to know if they’ve been working for hours, days, or weeks. They usually have headphones on, and haven’t looked up from their laptop once. They never break for food, water, or Facebook. If a fire alarm went off, chances are they wouldn’t move. I admire you, intense studier, but I will never be you.
9. The Sniffler
Oh, sniffler. They elicit that special combination of universal hatred and pity. We all feel for the sniffler, because at one time or another, we’ve all been snifflers ourselves. But after an hour or so of hearing a sniff every thirty seconds, someone’s gonna lose it and things are gonna get ugly unless they cut their losses and FIND A TISSUE.
10. The Oblivious Conversationalist
You would think that they would’ve noticed at least ONE of the dirty looks that are being directed at them throughout the library. But no; the oblivious conversationalist is somehow completely insulated from the opinions of others. Maybe they’ll realize someday that there are plenty of places where it is appropriate to have a long, in-depth conversation about your love life--like literally anywhere that isn’t a library. But until that day, the rest of us will just have to put in our headphones.
11. The Fidgeter
Every ten minutes (or less), they fidget. They probably started out in a normal, upright sitting position, but by the time you leave they’ve adopted some bizarre chair position. Whatever makes you comfortable, fidgeter.