Section: the common denominator that unites all majors across Yale College. Sure, there are good sections, but there are also those hellishly demanding, fight-for-your-life (and your participation credit) 50 minutes of the week, where it’s just you, your words, and your spotty understanding of last week’s reading versus the section asshole.
Then again, if you can’t beat em, join em. That’s been my philosophy for the past year. So, for your educational benefit, here are a few tricks I’ve learned through the ages of being “that annoying girl in section.”
1. The Classic Pen Click
Everyone’s gotta start somewhere. This amateur yet tried and true method is sure to bother somebody. Possibly everybody. And it’s probably the most passive way you can be annoying, because you can literally pretend you have no idea you’re doing it. Genius.
Laser pointer also acceptable if your TA is a dog/cat.
2. Repeat Everything the TA Says Verbatim
The TA: “I really don’t care about you guys, and I’m literally only here because I have to be.”This twerp: *crosses arms, leans back in chair, raises eyebrow cockily* “So, you don’t really care about us, and you’re literally only here because you have to be, right?”
Count the eyerolls. If they stop you’re doing it wrong.
3. Disagree with Anything Anyone Says and then Add a Completely Non-Sequitur Argument
Don’t you just love those people who are argumentative for the sake of being argumentative? Oh you don’t?! Why not? What’s wrong with you? Why are you being so disagreeing? I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?
Bonus points if you have the abs and arms of Joel McHale. Not just for this but for life.
4. Team Up With A Friend
For this one, you’ll need to recruit a buddy. Team up and go off of one another, responding so quickly the TA can barely get a word in edgewise and gives you mad participation credit out of sheer confusion.
Don’t be jealous of our boogie.
5. Actively and Conspicuously Hit on Your TA
So you have a hot TA. She’s got amazing hair and a booty like dayum. He’s got arms that could carry you from WHC straight to your bedroom. Make your appreciation of your TA known and the rest of the class uncomfortable by explicitly making your debaucherous thoughts known: excessively twirl your hair or flex your biceps, openly stare, and layer everything you say with blatant euphemism.
Actual footage of me in film section.
6. The Long Pause
When speaking, insert a long pause between ideas. Or just anywhere you feel like it, really. Bonus points if you either then radically change the subject or stop talking completely.
Learn from a master.
7. Referencing Texts Only You Know
Personally, I am a fan of talking about obscure twentieth century European documentaries in my American Photojournalism section, and then counting how many History of Art girls roll their eyes afterwards. I think my record is four. I’m going for a perfect ten by the end of the semester.
FRENCH DOCUMENTARIES ON THE HOLOCAUST ARE ALWAYS RELEVANT OKAY?
8. Take Selfies Through the Entire Section
#sobored #goodhairday #phonecameranotonsilent #areyoutakingasnapchatvideo #section #literallystop #iwillpunchyouintheface #blackeyeselfie #yale #yolo
9. Watch a Sports Game Online
Pick your favorite sports team and watch one of their most intense old games. Make no effort to contain your excited verbal outbursts. When questioned, claim that, yes, organic chemistry enthralls you that much and maybe the rest of you are the weird ones for not getting this pumped. Polymers, fuck yeah!
How to properly leave section after the above incident occurs.
10. Mutter Under Your Breath Through the Whole Section
The trick to this is to make it just loud enough for the people sitting next to you to hear, but not loud enough that your TA notices.
Bonus points if you call the TA “the precious.”
11. Reference High School, or Anything in Life Pre-Yale
When someone critiques one of your points, reply with “well oh yeah, I was high school valedictorian” and then whip out your old copy of Catcher in the Rye and do dramatic readings of your former self’s margin notes.
Your glory days of dancing to British funk music are over. Sorry to break it to you.
12. Ask a Question in the Last 5 Minutes
There’s always that moment of hope when it looks like the TA is going to let everyone out 5 minutes early, and that moment is when you should step in and ask the most complex and multi-layered question you can think of. Watch as everyone’s eyes turn black as they settle back into their seats.
My MO during every section always.
Bonus points for crunchy foods i.e. chips or pretzels.
Extra bonus points if you have a bag large enough to share, but refuse to do so.
Extra extra bonus points if you’re an adorable crying child.
14. Go to Section
Section itself is inherently awful. By just showing up, you’re already doing your part to make those 50 minutes just a little bit more unbearable.
Your goal reaction in section.
Go forth, my obnoxious little fruit flies, and drive everyone around you absolutely insane.