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The 5 Types of Suitemates

They’re inescapable. Sometimes you love them for their flaws, but sometimes you just cannot stand them. Either way, you’re stuck with them all year. Here’s the guide to how to deal with the inevitable types of suitemates you are likely to encounter.

  1. The absentee athlete

You might love them to death, but they’re never around. Because they have morning practices, their alarms jolt you awake at unreasonable hours. The best part, though? When they’re traveling during season you have the room all to yourself. 😉

 pig cookie

Though we know for most of you that mostly means something like this

How to deal: Embrace the concept of having a single! Keep your snacks and instant meals in a safe place because they can and will eat anything in their sight after a long practice or intense game. If you like your suitemate and want to be sure they like you back, go to their games and support them, and maybe let them have your Easy Mac once in a while. Once. Just once. Please.

  1. The nocturnal night owl

This suitemate or roommate might as well be an absentee athlete, because they’re always asleep. Nothing can wake them up from a deep slumber, not even their own alarm, which resonates through the common room and out into the entire entryway. The time when you can count on seeing them, though? When you wake up at 3am to use the restroom.

creeping hamster

"Good morning! I'm slowly adopting the sleeping habits of a bat!"

How to deal: Set a rule that they can’t study in the bedroom after a certain hour. Sleep with earplugs but remember, the chance of them falling asleep on the couch in the common room at daybreak is very likely. 

  1. The alcoholic

For this this suitemate, every day is Woadsday. You wonder to yourself when and how they manage to do their work, but this is Yale—they somehow get it done.

 elmo:NPH dancing

"Messy Monday, Tipsy Tuesday, Wasted Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, Fucked-up Friday, Sloshed Saturday, Schwasted Sunday! Also, do you know what and where WLH is? I should probably start attending that one class."

How to deal: Tell them flat out that if they barf, pee or pass out in your bed after one of their outings there will be serious consequences. Don’t completely alienate them, though. Keeping them around means connections to alcohol, the greatest pregames and the hottest guys. Or girls, if that's your thing. We don't judge, or make heteronormative assumptions about our readers.

  1. The slob

This is the worst kind of suitemate you can have, especially if you’re a type A neat freak. This suitemate’s desk is junkyard, their bed is a storage space for dirty laundry (that rarely gets done), their closet ravaged by a tornado, and their used utensils and half-eaten food are not even placed in the trash. You are in our prayers.

the lord is testing me

Here's hoping you do better on this one than your midterms! ZINGER!

How to deal: At this point, it’s not even about being nice anymore. If they aren’t being respectful of your space and cleaning up after themselves after you’ve discussed the problem with them before, leave signs on all of their belongings telling them to throw or put it away. The more annoying you are towards them, the more they’ll eventually deal with it to get you off their case.

 

  1. The DS kid

If you have a DS kid in your suite, congratulations! You don’t even need to sign up for a tutor. But beware, DS kids are usually found burrowed beneath their mounds of reading, and probably won’t ever be able to escape to help you out. Their demanding and rigorous academic schedules also probably prohibit them from going out as much as you’d like, meaning that they’ll resent you and your pregames pretty quickly.

take responsibility!

How to deal: show them this clip! A classic.

How to deal: Don’t get into debates with them. If they say something that you disagree with, swallow your pride and walk away from the conversation. Keep them nearby, however, especially on nights you know you’re going to be struggling on an assignment.

homework struggle

Which, if The Boola staff is at all representative of the Yale population, is...literally every assignment. Happy fall break, everybody!

Clara Mokri
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