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The 16 Different Types of People in Every Section

Sections are an inevitable part of the Yale experience, and so is spending disgusting amounts of time with the following sixteen types of people.

 

1. The asshole

Every section has one. That one person who as soon as they open their mouth you pretend you’re staring into the camera like on The Office. They speak constantly, and only to show off about their obscure knowledge that’s only slightly related to the topic.

 

2. The completely silent one

This person never speaks. For attendance, they usually give a mumbled version of “here” and then slink back into their seat. It’s not that they don’t have anything to say, they just are too shy to speak up. But when you get in a group with them, you realize how much they have to contribute to the conversation, even if they never raise their hand.

 

3. The Mark Ruffalo look-alike

This is that one guy or girl who looks exactly like Mark Ruffalo. The TA will usually take a while to call them by their birth name instead of Mark Ruffalo, but who can blame them?

 

4. The hungover one

You can always spot the hungover one by their dark sunglasses and their obvious headache. They partied too hard last night and are just trying to make it through section without getting sick.

 

5. The still drunk one

It’s almost like they pregamed the section. They smell faintly but very noticeably like alcohol and are really confident in their answers that make no sense.

 

6. The still drinking one

This is the one who pulls out the bottle of Dubra and starts doing shots during section.

 

7. The one who only speaks in Haiku

Good in small doses, the one who only speaks in Haiku is enjoyable at first, but their tendency to form all their questions and answers in groups of 5, then 7, then 5 syllables gets old fast.

 

8. The smart but likable one

Different than the asshole, this is the person in the section who has great thoughts to contribute to the conversation, and does it in a way that gets everyone thinking and involved in the material. They speak because they have something of value to say, and don’t waste anyone’s time.

 

9. The polyamorous quad

Every section has four people who are in a committed, polyamorous relationship. They usually sit at each corner of the table and give long, seductive glances at each other.

 

10. The completely unprepared one

This one obviously didn’t do the reading and is just trying to speak to get the participation credit, or was called on by the TA. They give vague, general answers and ramble on until the TA finally decides to show them mercy.

 

11. The TA's conjoined twin

Although not an official member of the section, the TA’s conjoined twin is essential to the class dynamic and provides a unique insight into the topic.

 

12. The teacher’s pet

The one that’s constantly sucking up to the professor. They stay behind after every section, and send the professor emails constantly. The teacher’s pet is on a first name basis with the professor and is trying to get the professor to legally adopt them. Talk about clingy!

 

13. The teacher’s "pet"

Also known as a Furry, this is the person who pretends they are the actual pet of the teacher and comes to class in a hyperrealistic animal suit. They’re usually not that bad, but when they bring a leash and ask the professor to walk them home, then it went too far.

 

14. Your own mother

She just wants to make sure you’re having a good time and getting all your work done. And maybe if you called her every once in a while she wouldn’t have to resort to transferring to your college and taking all the same classes as you. Also, her friend Linda’s kid is around your age. AND SINGLE.  

 

15. The one who just repeats what other people said

This is the one who only speaks when the conversation has died down. They repeat what everyone else before them said and act like they came up with it on your own. It’s annoying, but if they keep it short it’s not the end of the world.

 

16. The table

Often the unsung hero of the section, the table provides the sturdy foundation the class needs to proceed smoothly and efficiently.

Grant Berland
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