Schwarzman Center: Imagined and Reimagined

As a Yale student, you have probably heard the same fun few phrases sprinkled into daily conversation over and over: I hate Bluebooking! What’s your major? Look, Sasha Pup! We should get a meal soon. Imagine the Schwarzman Center!

A pertinent question here is what exactly does it mean to “Imagine The Schwarzman Center?” How many people actually do that? And, also, why?

Unfortunately, I can’t answer any of those. Fortunately, I have a little too much time on my hands and an unabashed love of mind-mapping, so I decided to use these resources to their advantage and ponder the future of the establishment currently — and possibly eternally — known as Commons.

I Imagined the Schwarzman Center so you don’t have to. And here’s what I envisioned:

1. The Schwarzman Center as an indoor water park


What do you give to the college that has everything? An indoor water park adventureland, obviously. Yalies are always looking to blow off a little steam, and I truly see no better way to do so than through the delightful mediums of water slides, wave pools, and lazy rivers. Plus, it’s convenient location near Sterling and Bass make it the perfect place for a quick study break, or at least an incentive to finish that research paper. It should be noted that towels are extremely important in this scenario.


2. The Schwarzman Center as a giant movie theater


Imagine taking Netflix and Chill to a whole new level. The building has ample room for multiple movie screens and comfy chairs, and endless potential for delicious snacks. Ideally, some theaters would show movies that are already released, while the screens in other rooms offer services like Netflix and Hulu for easy binge-watching access. If there’s one thing Commons lacks, it’s the mouth-watering scent of fresh popcorn. I’m just saying.

3. The Schwarzman Center as a stress relief paradise


Hear me out. We need a place on campus dedicated exclusively to relaxing. One area could just be filled with all kinds of puppies. Imagine the fluff! There could be yoga and meditation rooms, hammocks and sofas with soft blankets and cozy pillows for naps, and maybe even a calming garden space where spread-too-thin students can sit back and smell the roses. Literally.

4. The Schwarzman Center as the new home of Toads


While some might say half the fun of Toads is being cramped in a dark room with sweaty strangers, others would argue that a larger space would be beneficial in reducing the amount of body heat and unsightly sweat stains. But wherever could we find such a space? *cough cough* Schwarzman Center. Moving Toads is a little ambitious, but the payoff would make it all worth it. A more central location, more room for dancing and other activities, and way better air circulation are only some of the perks. Plus, Schwoad’s has a nice ring to it.

5. The Schwarzman Center as Commons


If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Commons is going through what some might call an identity crisis right now, and while the future looks bright, at present it’s a little unclear what the Schwarzman Center is going to bring to campus (but we’ll keep imagining the possibilities). As Troy and Gabriella would say, maybe we should stick to the status quo. While they probably didn’t have the Schwarzman Center in mind during the High School Musical franchise, “it is better by far to leave things as they are” just might apply here.