I fell in love with “Game of Thrones” over the winter break of my senior year in high school, when my boyfriend and I binge-watched the entire show in two weeks. I had somehow managed to avoid spoilers for that long, which is surprising due to their omnipresence in every dark corner of the Internet.
Too soon, you callous bastards.
Unfortunately, however, now that I’m a huge fan of the show and therefore way more likely to accidentally stumble upon a stray spoiler (R+L=J! I think I’ve figured it out!), I have to cast about for safe ways to satisfy my craving for Game of Thrones-related things until the show comes back on. Fortunately for you, that quest resulted in this list. Here are some Darby-approved ways to temporarily fill in the yawning chasm in your soul that will only truly be satisfied at the beginning of Season 5 next spring.
1. Read the books-- FOR REAL.
Pictured: sound advice
I am a huge proponent of watching something first and reading it second. That’s what I’m doing with GoT, and it is so awesome. If you read something first and then watch the show/movie, you feel disappointed when they leave so much out. You feel gipped. But doing it the opposite way has a much better result-- when you read the book after watching the show, it’s like you’ve got tons of deleted scenes and bonus footage! The books elaborate so much on the universe established in the show and give so much rich detail (especially about how fine Daenerys looks in her various outfits) that reading them is like being given a sweet, unexpected dessert after an already delicious dinner.
Keep doin’ you, Khaleesi. (I love you)
2. Design and buy absurd custom merchandise.
Let me preface this one with this disclaimer: I was converted to the side of Stannis the Mannis by my stubborn boyfriend. He’s not as hot as Margaery (duh), he’s not as charming as Oberyn (is anyone?), he’s not as witty as Tyrion (of course not), and he’s not as adorably dopey as Jon Snow (who, as has previously been established, knows nothin’). BUT HE’S REAL AS HELL. And for that reason, I made myself a custom sweatshirt that has the crest for Pierson College on the front and the sigil for Stannis on the back. So what if that design is catering to an extremely niche market (read: just me)? I love that damn thing!
Gaze into the stag, and the stag gazes also into you.
3. Watch this video at least once a day:
If this doesn’t convince you, nothing will.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLNFloNdJH4 Even if you are not a fannis of Stannis the Mannis, this video will undoubtedly make you smile. The tasteful juxtaposition of his ass-kickery with the remixed musical stylings of the Hold Up Twerkit Remix of DJ Now’s timeless classic ‘Smoke Weed Everyday’ (no, seriously) holds an undeniable appeal. However, I SERIOUSLY ADVISE that if you’re listening to this with earphones (or with polite company in earshot) that you turn down the volume of the video gradually in proportion to the escalation of the Stannis Hype Meter. It’s for your own good.
It should be almost muted by this point.
4. Read--or write--Game of Thrones fanfiction.
I began the rapid descent down the slippery slope of fanfiction in ninth grade when it was introduced to me for the first time. I had Bible fanfiction bookmarked, for the love of Pete. Since my failed attempt at immersive research for a marching band slash I was working on in sophomore year, however, I’ve gotten it back under control. That isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy some good fanfiction from time to time, though-- especially some of the more creative (read: shameful) Renly/Loras slash. It’s like a classier Fifty Shades, because it’s based off of A Song of Ice and Fire instead of Twilight.
I would suggest practicing caution upon entering this realm of the internet, however-- some people take it upon themselves to, in great detail, lovingly describe the curvilineature of some parts of Ser Jorah that we just don’t want to hear about.
You, after not heeding my warning.
5. Find fellow fans to argue with.
This is best possible way a Game of Thrones argument could end.
Now normally, I would not under any circumstances condone argument of any sort. But nothing really gets the neurons firing like having to impassionately defend your appreciation of Littlefinger to someone who, admittedly justifiably, finds him creepy as hell. The first major fight that my boyfriend and I had was over whether or not Jaime Lannister, whose golden locks have undoubtedly been the downfall of many a woman in the past, was a redeemable character.
Seen here jumping into a bear pit to save his kidnapper. Just saying.
I could argue for my points about Game of Thrones day in and day out with anyone who’s seen it, and that’s a beautiful thing. The show and its characters unite people by their passions, even as it simultaneously divides them by the nature of their views. Game of Thrones is something that really polarizes people’s opinions, and there’s no better way to discover and explore the nuances of your opinions than to have to come up with increasingly more implausible ways to defend them.
“No, ‘I could’ve been your father’ is a completely normal pickup line, guys. I swear.”
These methods do not shorten the time, but they help while it away. Take solace in knowing that I share in your struggle, fellow Gamers. Wait, that’s already taken. Throners? We need a collective name.