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5 Sure-Fire Ways to Avoid the Freshman 15

You made it! Freshman Year! With all the new freedoms that come with living on your own as a college student, there’s also new responsibilities you need to take on. One of them is avoiding the dreaded Freshman 15. Here are some tips you stop you from putting on this weight.

 

  1. Watch what you drink

Fun fact: most of the calories you get your freshman year are not actually from the dining halls. Most of them are from the heavy drinking college students do. So instead of reaching for that bottle of vitaminwater or that can of Wild Cherry flavored Diet Pepsi, go for the vodka instead. Not only is it a lot less calories, but odds are you’ll throw it back up!

amy schumer wine

  1. Walk more

We all know how stressful it can be to walk around everywhere, especially when you need to get all the way science hill early in the morning. But that’s no excuse to ride your suitemates around campus. Sure, they may enjoy being your human camels, but that doesn’t mean it’s best for you. Stop relying on them to move you from your bed to the shower, down the stairs, from one extracurricular to another. Try walking yourself. It’s great exercise and you might get to see a different side of your suitemates that you usually don’t when they’re below, carrying your weight for you.
waddling penguins

  1. Food fights

Some people don’t have the self control to only put on their plate perfectly portioned meals. And that’s ok. Sometimes our urges get the best of us and we like to binge a little bit. A great way to avoid eating that extra food is to fling it at others in the dining hall, all while screaming “FOOOOOOOD FIIIIIIIIIGHT!” When no one joins in, which they won’t, don’t let that discourage you. Keep going. Never stop throwing every scrap of food on your plate or screeching those two words continuously until the dining hall closes. Then calmly leave with the satisfaction that you won’t be packing on those extra pounds.

food fight

  1. Convert to the metric system

The term “Freshman 15” never specifically says 15 pounds. Technically, it could be kilograms, which are significantly heavier than pounds. Start measuring everything like they do in Europe, in terms of meters, liters, Queen Elizabeths, degrees Celcius. And eventually when you step on that scale you’ll do it in kilograms. Good luck gaining 15 kilograms in a year! You earned it!

scale with cat

  1. Always be crying

Most of the heat in your body escapes through your head, so the same must be true for weight! The easiest way to cause things to escape through your face is through tears. Constantly cry. Even if you’re not sad. Get contacts even if you don’t need them just so you’ll tear up. Or better yet rent the movie Zathura and make your entire suite watch it. Won’t be a dry eye in the room!

crying oprah

Grant Berland
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