By: Ashley Anthony
The Scheduled Salovey
Most likely a STEM or double major who has literally every course scheduled to a T. The Scheduled Salovey cannot relate to you. Shopping? I don’t know her. What a privilege they say, as they hand in their confirmed schedules on the second day. I’ll let you enjoy this brief sense of superiority for the first two weeks, because after that you’ll be buried in Bass with your fifth pset of the week, while I, and all the other plebeians coast by in our gut.
The Overworked, Wildly starved for sleep and Overscheduled (OwO)
We all know this person. They’re on their fourth cup of coffee for the day, they’ve slept about a total of three hours in the past week (and they won’t let you hear the end of it).You know when coursetable crashes? It’s literally when this person makes their schedule; an ungodly assortment of colors smashed together with the elegance of a Nickelback song. Honestly you’re not even sure that they should still be alive, yet here they are, miraculously in front of you and even more miraculously still talking about how little sleep they’ve gotten. Your only reprise from the conversation is when they realize that they’re somehow late for two classes and zip away up science hill, not to be seen again until their schedules are confirmed.
The Complete Mess
They’ve got four classes on their schedule that require pre-registration and have pre-registered for exactly…none. They’ve got about 10 minutes between their classes and have to run from LC to Sterling, and have somehow managed to schedule themselves straight through lunch every day. They also just joined a class that had a PSET due yesterday so they’re already crying. By the grace of Handsome Dan himself it all works out for them in the end.
The Aggravatingly Lucky
Maybe it’s all the YaleTM water they drink from Durfees, or maybe they’re just born with it; but organic or otherwise this person is the luckiest snake you’ve ever met. They get into literally every seminar they apply for, and somehow manage every year to get into that one psych class that everyone shops. Drugs Brain and Behavior? They’re taking it. Psych and the Good Life (as if they need to learn about the Good Life), done and done. There are actual senior psych students not getting into these Linda!! How are you doing this? Can I level with you? It’s time to leave Yale and just take over Domino from Deadpool’s role. Leave some classes for us Linda.