Keeping up appearances is important. In order to make sure that people perceive you as an up and coming successful adult, The Boola has collected a list of simple tips that anybody can try that are guaranteed to “hoodwink” your colleagues into believing you have it all together.
Always seem like you’re in a rush...always
The key is to adopt an aggressively fast walking pace. Arms swinging, focused look in your eyes. If anybody tries to slow you down, make sure you show them that you’re on your way to someplace important by quickly shouting “I’m so busy!” when they take the time to ask you how you’re doing.
Sit in the library
What better way to show your dedication to academics than to sit in one of Yale’s beautiful libraries. To maximize the appearance of productivity, avoid Bass, the one library where everybody knows you’re not really working. Even if you just want to watch Netflix and scroll through Facebook, the fact that you’re in the library will really have people fooled.
Complain about not having time for a nap
But don’t tell them that you just woke up from a nap.
Perfect the art of humble brag
Ah, the humble brag. One of life’s most important inventions. Despite what others may say, the humble brag often goes undetected and always makes you appear like a ridiculously modest overachiever. There is never a wrong time for the humble brag.
Dress for success
What exactly does this look like? Well, well-meaning yet sorely under-informed friend, let me tell you. This is a LOOK. There’s only one way to do this and do it well. It includes wearing a pantsuit at all times (you never know when that Goldman-Sachs recruiter will show up and want to interview you for the position of CEO), but keeping it practical with some nice jogging shoes (as somebody hustling their way to success, you have to be prepared to fit a workout in whenever a rare block of free time presents itself).
Fill your gcal with useless events
This is the best way to show that you are, in fact, an engaged member of the campus community. Make sure to pencil in that “Symposium on the Modern Dilemmas of Maintaining a Fidus Achates,” and the talk on “Desultory Mechanisms that Influence Thought.” Before wasting your time blocking off every spare moment from here until next Christmas, make sure your gcal is shared with every last person you’ve met here at Yale, just to make sure they’re all in the know.
Sometimes, looking like you’re successful is more important than actually being successful. With a little practice, you too can exude the effortless confidence that comes along with such an aesthetic.