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14 Indicators They Are Too Young For You

As the new Freshmen finally acclimate to life on campus and stop confusing SSS, CSSSI, and BaSSS, upperclassmen find themselves wondering as they sit in Starr pretending to study: old enough? Don’t worry, vaguely creepy upperclassmen. We’ve all been there. And we at the Boola have got your back. We’ve compiled a list of fool-proof indicators to help you shake out just how young is too young. Enjoy!

 

They don’t know why people are so mad that Pluto is no longer a planet.

one

Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes to me feeling young, because Y'ALL DON'T MISS PLUTO

$1.29 feels like a reasonable price to pay for an iTunes song.

two

Realistically, only Beyonce is worth that much

Sterling has always been restored in their memory.

the stacks

And they don't yet know what the stacks are really for...

You had to look up something they said on Urban Dictionary.

four

Cradle Robber (n): A person who taps people significantly younger than he/she is. If X is the older person's age then they are a cradle robber if they date a person who is less than half of their age plus 7 years. But for this function to work, X must be greater than or equal to 18. (Y = .5X + 7 ; X=18, infinity))

“We were just talking about this in DS!”

five

Plato, deary, not Play-Doh

They don’t understand why people can’t think of Justin Timberlake as an actor.

six

Bringing Sexy Back? No? Nothing?

There are real and scary legal ramifications for what you are about to do together.

seven

This is never and will never be legal in the state of Connecticut

They missed AIM and went straight to iChat.

eight

xxxMissy5xxx is now available. But not to date. Or anything. Ever

You cannot even make a Lolita joke because they aren’t old enough to have read it yet.

nine

Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul, my frightening lapse of judgement that will cost me a future in the State Department.

They mention high school more than two times a week.

ten

"We talked about this in AP world!"

They’ve mentioned middle school at all.

eleven

"Yeah, I never really had an awkward stage." GTFO

They ask you if you’ve ever tried a mocha. Of course you’ve tried a fucking mocha.

twelve

"Yeah, I just recently started drinking coffee. My mom doesn't approve."

They fondly remember their childhood watching Hannah Montana.

thirteen

DO YOU EVEN KNOW LIZZIE MCGUIRE?

Uggs.

fourteen

Except Ugg slippers, which are lovely. Then again, I'm a freshman.

 

Amelia Nierenberg
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