“Yale, what’s good?”: Calling Yale Out on its Bullshit

1. Why are you the literal embodiment of the Grinch?

grinch             images

Do people know the last finals go to the 22nd of December this year? Where are the riots?! Where are the screams of injustice? Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, you should be outraged that you’ll have to commute home alongside snot-nossed-brat-ridden families making their way to Grandmas house. Why am I slipping and sliding up and down science hill when I could be home basking in the glow of my computer screen? What ba-humbug administrator decided that my holiday season should be soiled in such a manner. Hey Mr. Scrooge, ever heard of a little thing called family? Of Christmas joy? Stop begrudging me my last couple of days of radio stations playing 24 hour Christmas music!

2. Why don’t we have air-conditioning?

I get that Yale is old. But come on. Eh, Mr. Schwarzman, guess what we could’ve used all that money you donated for? It should have been relegated to the “Students are over there baking like cakes in there own dorm rooms” fund.

hell little dog


3. Why are Durfees swipes worth less than the cost of the meal you are replacing them with?

Lunch swipes at any dining hall are worth $10.14, so, it would stand to reason, that an Durfee swipe for that meal should be worth exactly the same. No? Is that a crazy assumption? Dur-flation is real people. Also, while I’m on this call-out kick, why does nothing in Durfees have prices on it? Am I supposed to remember? And then do the mental math to tally it all up so it comes to under $8? What do I look like?

money spongebob

4. Why do some people have bunk beds in college?

Take a stroll over to L-Dub and witness the phenomenon that’s destroying roommate friendships across the Berkley and Pierson freshman class year after year. The deadly bunk bed. Studies have shown that your desire for a bunk bed is inversely related to the age you are, reaching zero at around twelve.

bunk bed

5. Why do you hate all STEM majors?

STEM is hard at pretty much every school, but Yale just has to add insult to injury by making their classes as far away from their dorms as possible while us Humanities majors stroll around the perimeter of Old Campus and possibly Cross Campus like it ain’t no thang.

6. Why are Overheard at Yale conflicts a thing?

Welcome to Overheard at Yale: Prepare to be roasted

roasted meat

Meat= you and your opinions; Chopsticks= Yale 

7. Why isn’t Chief Ronnell Higgins paid more?

Anyone that was here over the summer knows that Chief Ronnel Higgins gets zero time off. The poor guy is drowning in the crime. Whatever he’s getting paid can’t be enough. Every two seconds a graduate student is being jumped on a street that we can vaguely recall the location of.

weiner dog police

Don’t mess with the (p/l)aw 

8. Why does the New Haven airport suck?

As a sophomore, I was struck to find out that New Haven had an airport no more than a week ago. This was brought my attention at a rather commonplace dinner meeting where upon my arrival to this new fact I was immediately pounced upon by other classmates warning me of my own impending doom if I were to try this said, “airport.”  When I asked why they felt so strongly, they all mearly shook their heads (smh as the kids say these days).

The moral of the story is that if there was an actual good airport in New Haven that didn’t suck you would hear way more about it on campus. With the amount of frequent flyers at Yale, a perfectly well run airport would never go unnoticed.

airplane dude dancing

Are you salty about something too? Leave it in the comments section below.