We all know Yale boasts some pretty impressive alumni. We have President Bush pts. I and II, both Bill and Hill, Anderson Cooper, and MERYL STREEP. But the ranks of alumni are even more impressive when expanded to include those who aren’t, strictly speaking, actually real. Characters who hold a Yale degree have popped up in books, movies and television across genres. Here at the Boola, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to judge and rank these fictional graduates. So without further ado…
#7 Mr. Burns (The Simpsons)
Mr. Burns ’14 (that’s 1914, not 2014) was apparently a member of Skull and Bones and was on the wrestling team. Which is all well and good, but he still gets the bottom spot given the fact that he’s basically a creepier animated Donald Trump.
#6 Nick Carraway (The Great Gatsby)
Nick attended some parties that could rival a frat rager in terms of illegal consumption (#prohibitionproblem) , but at the end of the day he was just kind of a judgey wimp. I mean, he’s the narrator of a book that’s named after someone else…
#5 Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)
Technically Blair never actually went to Yale, but it was her dream for just about forever (exhibit A, her parents bought her a bulldog named Handsome Dan on admissions day). Sure, her scheming and manipulative ways got her kicked off the waitlist, but she would have made a great Theta. And no one can rock a headband like she can.
#4 Quinn Fabray (Glee)
While we’re on the topic of Queen Bees, Quinn Fabray reigned supreme at Mckinley High (until everyone graduated and the show got weird). She got into Yale by keeping up her 4.0 GPA through a poignant teenage pregnancy storyline, despite no one on the show ever appearing to actually attend class. Quinn’s barbie-doll perfect exterior hid a softer side (not unlike many Yalies), plus she would have killed acapella rush.
#3 Amy Dunne (Gone Girl)
Beautiful. Brilliant. Psychopathic. And a Bulldog. Say what you will about this twisted femme fatal, but she’s totally a badass. Yes, she made some questionable decisions (like framing her husband for murder) but hey, we can blame that on the fact that she apparently attended Harvard postgrad.
#2 Carmen Lowell (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants)
Full disclaimer, Carmen only went to Yale in the film version. But she still ranks high on the list just for that smile. Everyone knows she was the glue that held the sisterhood together, and her strength, kindness and warmth would make her a great tour guide.
#1 Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)
Rory is a no brainer for the top spot. She is the intelligent, quirky, driven, coffee chugging bookworm of our dreams. She never let anyone get in the way of her goals, and worked hard for everything she got. She is the queen of literature references and takeout food, and everything we could ever hope to be. Bonus fun fact: she was in Branford, and the editor of the YDN!