Valentine’s Day is here! As educated Yale students who always want to define, articulate, explicate the world, of course, we want to research and analyze the relationship statuses of those around us. We’ve seen the romantic dates people go on in Bass, at Woads, or in Blue State. We’ve also seen people who are happily and determinately single. So what exactly are these relationship statuses and what does it all mean? Well, the Boola knows them all!
1. The Swiper
Who doesn’t love Tinder? The Swiper is someone who lives on Tinder and gets all their exercise from the perpetual left or right movement of their fingers. They have swiping down to a science: whether it’s Yale-students only, or the number of swipes per second they perform in order to fit swiping in between their walk from WLH to LC.
2. The G-Cal Dater
We’re pretty sure this person is in a committed relationship with their GCal. 1) GCal is always around and is constantly texting them with reminders of their next section or club meeting (typical clingy behavior). 2) This person makes sure their GCal is always presentable by studiously color coding everything. 3) This might also be an overly dependent relationship, as this person would be dazed and confused without the steady companionship of GCal.
3. The Hookup Bingo
This person is one step away from hookup bingo! They probably still need the “college-cest” or “TA” square. It’s not been an easy journey, especially the walk back from TD. But they’re still going at it, and you’ll be sure to see them at ValenToads.
4. The Meme Queen
The Meme Queen is single and not by choice. To compensate, they spend their days tagging their friends (or themselves) in memes exploring the meaning of love and the implications of a singular existence.
5. The Complicated One
How should I explain this? So they had a thing with this one girl in section, and now they’re talking and have been on one date. But then there’s also their ex, who they run into at frats occasionally, so they’re “back together” for the space of saturday nights. Then there’s this other person…
6. The Baby Clothes Buyer
Time to think about your gift list for their impending baby shower! This type of person is in a super committed, long term, serious relationship. They’ve probably already planned out the gluten-free option at their wedding as well as their baby’s halloween costume.
7. Forgot to Turkey Dump
This person (usually freshmen), is in a long distance relationship. However, it’s a mystery whether that’s because they are super committed and on their way to becoming #6 by senior year or they forgot to turkey dump. For the former, early congrats! Can I RSVP to your wedding? For the latter, fear not, spring dump is right around the corner.
8. The Study Dates
These people go on dates, if you count Bass, the Stiles library, or the East Asian study room in Sterling romantic date locations. On the plus side, they have a stable relationship where they see their study dates at regular intervals. On the down side, their view of their date is blocked by a giant stack of textbooks.